


Christmas is but once a year

by AnotherLostSoul



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Build-a-bear gone wrong, Cant convict Kira cos he cute, Christmas Crack, Eventual L/Yagami Light, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, L and Light are crushing on each other, L believes in Santa, L is a funny drunk, L is such a brat, Light is a Grinch, Light is feeling festive in his pants!, M/M, Mistletoe, Not Canon Compliant, Oh god why?!, Poor Shinigami, Read with an ample dose of WTF?, Rem needs alcohol to deal with Ls crap, Secret Santa gone wrong, Sorry Not Sorry, Stupid movie quotes, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Whose your Daddy?, Will L receive his Easy Bake Oven?, Will Light read the sex manual by Brian Bigcock?, Yes this is crack treated seriously again, Yotsuba Arc, random sillyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLostSoul/pseuds/AnotherLostSoul
Summary: Light's worst nightmares come true when he walks into the Task Force HQ to find Christmas trees, tinsel and Ryuzaki drunk on eggnog.But that's only the START of Light's troubles...
Relationships: L/Yagami Light, Watari/Souichiro
Comments: 60
Kudos: 85





	1. Build-a-Kira!

**Author's Note:**

> I will be writing super short, cracky, fluffy chapters throughout December in the run up to Christmas. I hope you enjoy them and Merry Christmas! ❤

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L buys Light a special gift to get him into the holiday spirit, but for some reason Light doesn't seem to like it...

"Dad, why does Ryuzaki have a Santa hat on his head?" Light asked the question as he winced away from the veritable explosion of Christmas that had taken over HQ. He'd only gone out for lunch with Misa (Traumatic enough) without returning to... This. 

"It's December the 1st…" Light added weakly as Matsuda toasted him with a cup of eggnog, "Don't you think this is a little _premature_?"

L turned his chair abruptly and looked like he was about to topple out of it for a moment. He quickly regained his balance but Light couldn't help but notice the flush of colour in the Detective's normally palid cheeks. ' _Are you **drunk** , Ryuzaki?!'_

"I will have you know it is never too early to get into the festive spirit and celebrate his return!" L slurred, cup of heavily laced eggnog in hand. 

"His return?... Do you mean Jesus, Ryuzaki? Cos that's easter-"

" _Santa_ , Light! I'm talking about Santa. Jesus? He's not even real, idiot, but Santa is!" L drawled dramatically, "You know, the fat man in the red suit? God, kids these days" 

Light opened his mouth then snapped it shut, irritation warring with exasperation. Kids these days? Ryuzaki was only a few years older than he was, not to mention it was Ryuzaki who was drunk off his face and wearing a sparkly Santa hat and happened to believe that Santa was real and not a made up character to please children.Who was the _real_ child here again?? 

"Here you are, Ryuzaki" Watari placed a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men before L, "I hope you enjoy"

L's eyes lit up at the sight of the treats and Light rolled his eyes. Honestly, they were supposed to be trying to catch Kira, not indulging in a bloody Christmas holiday special. 

"Lighten up, Light" L tittered as he saw Light's stoney expression. 

"..." With as much dignity as he could muster, Light swept past L and went to his desk. A frown crept over his features as he saw a messily wrapped package sat waiting for him on his chair. "What?"

"It's for you. From me" L pointed to himself in case Light didn't realise who he was talking about, "Because your father told me you're a grinch and that is almost as bad as being Kira in my eyes-"

Light shot a hurt look at his father. "Dad! And I'm _not_ Kira!"

"You are a grinch though" Souichiro patted Light's shoulder, "It wouldn't hurt to enjoy the holiday spirit, Son"

"Precis… exac… what he said" L pointed to Souichiro and Light rubbed his temples. So, they were surrounded by trees, and lights and goddamn tinsel and the head of their investigation into a serial killer was that drunk he couldn't even speak properly. Just wonderful! 

"Being a Christmas grinch is worse than being Kira, now open your present already" L waved his cup of eggnog (that smelt rather strongly of brandy) "I know you'll love it"

Feeling rather nervous, Light picked up the package. It looked like it had been wrapped by a two year old. 

"I wrapped that myself" L said proudly. 

"I can see that" Light muttered dryly, wondering why the hell his life was like this. Why had he suggested joining the Kira Task Force again?! He opened the present and stared at what could only be described as a monstrosity. "What… is this?" Light asked slowly, unable to keep the quiver of irritation from his voice. 

"Why, it's you!" L smiled sweetly, "I went incognito to one of those build-a-bear things and decided I'd build you. See, it's got a scowly face and a 'KIRA' T-shirt on and-"

L didn't get to finish. Light marched over to him with a punch ready and raring to go. His Father stepped in and pulled him away, tutting about Light's 'lack of gratitude'

"But, Dad! He's basically saying I'm grumpy and that I'm Kira!" Light protested as he held the bear-thing up. "He's being a dick!"

"Me??" L had the gaul to look affronted. "Moi?!" He added again, just for the drama of it all, "How **_dare_** you! I spent £35 creating that absolute masterpiece for you as a gesture of goodwill and this is how you repay me? You know, Light, being Kira is something I could deal with but this is a deal breaker. You are not my friend nor my fellow DJ!" L wobbled off his chair and stumbled out of the room dramatically. "Goodbye forever!"

"...." Aizawa and Mogi shared a long, concerned look. 

"I apologize. He watched 'Kevin and Perry go large' last night" Watari explained as he clean his glasses, "He gets like this when he's drunk. I don't let him get drunk often, but, well it is Christmas but once a year... "

L popped his head around the door, slunk inside to grab his platter of biscuits, and then scurried off again with a muffled "Now it's goodbye forever!"

Light hung his head. It was only December the 1st and this insanity had befallen him. How was he going to cope with another 24 days of it?? 

And more concerning, why was DrunkL kinda cute…? 


	2. Kira-Chan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light tries to prove to L that he isn't a grinch. It doesn't go very well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't been a particularly good girl this year 😏 but I wonder if Santa will get me a Kira-Chan? I want one! ❤😂

A few days later, Light decided he would fight fire with fire. If Ryuzaki was that convinced he was a grinch then he would just have to prove him wrong by being him a gift of his own. A nice, appropriate gift since he wasn't a jerk like Ryuzaki was. 

_'Definitely something sweet related…'_ Light glanced at the detective and noted he was wearing a christmas jumper with 'Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal!' on it. 'Die Hard' was playing in the background and L seemed more fixated on that then the documents in front of him. _'So apparently catching Kira isn't important because it's Christmas?'_ Light thought sourly. 

At least his dad was working. Sort of. He was working on sampling Watari's gingerbread whilst pretending to look over victim charts. _'Mogi and Aizawa. They're bound to be working diligently'_ but again, Light was in for a disappointment. Mogi, Aizawa and Matsuda were having a Christmas tree decorating competition and somehow it looked serious. Mogi and Aizawa were watching, poker-faced, as Matsuda deliberated over which bauble to hang next. 

"Do not put that purple bauble next to the red, Matsuda, _oh my god_ " Aizawa growled. "It has to be gold or blue!"

' _God help me_ ' Light hung his head and massaged his temples. It was December the 3rd and he was officially losing his mind… 

"Light!"

Light hurried over to L, hopeful he'd had a Kira-related epiphany. "Yeah?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive do you think Bruce Willis is?" L asked around a candy cane, "I'm torn between a 6 or 7"

 _'Are you actually fucking kidding me??"_ Deciding not to dignify that question with an answer, Light pulled on his coat and announced he was going for lunch. That candy cane hanging (oddly seductively) between L's lips had given him an idea. He'd buy L a candy hamper for Christmas and Maybe the idiot would choke on it... 

Light breathed in the crisp air and let out a sigh of contentment. It felt good to breathe in air that didn't smell of gingerbread and pine needles. ' _Watari is such an enabler, lighting all those Christmas Yankee candles for L'_

Light headed towards the candy shop he and L had been to a few times. He'd show L he wasn't a grinch! Light charmed the pretty assistant into making up the biggest, most sparkly and obnoxiously Christmassy hamper in existence. "That is perfect" L smiled at the glittery hamper crammed with more sugar than even L could get through in a single day. 

Light paid for it and ordered delivery for Christmas eve. If he gave it L now he knew it wouldn't even see Christmas eve. It would be long gone. Job done, Light went to the bakery to find some lunch before heading back to HQ in a much happier frame of mind than when he'd left it. 

That happy frame of mind lasted approximately 0.4 seconds as he realised L had put that 'build-a-bear' monstrosity in his chair and was addressing it as 'Light'

"You're awfully quiet, Light, are you alright?" L asked around a mouthful of gingerbread. For some reason Matsuda thought that was hilarious and Light seriously considered just admitting to being Kira and being done with it all. At least he wouldn't have to put up with this nonsense from inside a cell… 

"Oh. Never mind, there he is" L turned to Light with a sunny smile. "Did you do some christmas shopping?" L asked suspiciously as Light diligently sorted out his receipts. 

"I might have done" Light flicked his eyes up to L, "A 'Grinch' doesn't go out and do christmas shopping on his lunch break, now does he?"

L rubbed a finger across his lips, his dark eyes narrowing. "He might if he is trying to convince others he isn't a Grinch-Kira. We're on 23% now, by the way" 

"Oh come _on_!" Light looked around for support. His father gave him a weak smile before turning back to his pile of papers and an extra large Terry's Chocolate Orange. 

"Don't worry, Light-Kun, by the end of it I promise you will love Christmas as much as we do" L's smile suddenly turned creepy and Light backed away. "You will join us…"

"Ooookay then. I'm just going to head over to my desk and check the news for any new killings" Light edged away to his desk and dumped the build-a-bear unceremoniously on the floor. 

"Light!" L barked and Light actually flinched at how commanding ~~and hot~~ he sounded. "You can't just dump Kira-Chan on the floor like that!"

"K-kira-Chan?!" Light spluttered in indignation. The bear had auburn tufts of hair, a mean frown and had somehow acquired a little Santa hat. 

"Why yes, that's what I've decided to name him since you were so ungrateful and didn't like your gift" L sniffed as he picked up the teddy and placed him on his desk. 

Light found his eyes straying to the clock on the wall and he winced at what he saw. He'd been back in the office for ten minutes and he felt closer to a nervous breakdown than ever before. 

"Hohoho! Meeeerrrrry Christmas!"

Light glared at the life-sized Santa figure that randomly spoke. "Suck my dick, Fatass" he grumbled as he walked past it. Souichiro reprimanded him and Matsuda hastily apologized to the Santa figure, promising that Light wasn't 'all that bad' but it was unanimously decided that Light was definitly on the naughty list (and not just because he was Kira) 

Light sat down at his desk and tried to block out the idiots around him. So much for trying to prove he wasn't a grinch… 


	3. Grinch-Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L wants to bake a Christmas cake at 5 am. Somehow Light gets roped into it and learns just why L loves Christmas so much. Feelings mellow and Watari senses the boys are getting closer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light is trying his best not to be a Grinch-Kira Hybrid. 
> 
> Bless him 😂😂😂

"Light"

Light jolted awake to see an L/Gargoyle perched on the edge of his bed. "Jesus, Ryuzaki!" Light scrambled for his blanket to cover himself, "What?!"

L tilted his head. "Why are you acting shy? It's nothing I haven't seen before"

Light flushed red at the insinuation. When they were chained together, they'd had to become very comfortable with each other in states of undress as far as showering was concerned, but still! 

"Knock it off" Light growled as L tugged at his blanket. "What do you want anyway? It's not even 5 am!"

L smiled in that sweet/creepy way of his. "I wanted to apologize for calling you a 'Grinch Kira-Hybrid' yesterday. It seemed to offend you"

'Gee, I wonder why?' Light thought with an internal eye-roll. 

"So, I thought we could bake a christmas cake together!" 

Light exhaled deeply. Make a Christmas cake. At 5 in the morning. Of course. 

"Please?"

Light cursed himself as he looked up at L's face. He was doing the big, dark puppy eyes and he was powerless to resist. "Fine" Light sighed. "Let me just have a quick shower and get dressed first"

As soon as he had showered and dressed, L led him to the kitchen. Watari was already hard at work weighing up ingredients and Light again wondered if everyone had forgotten that Kira was still killing people. 

"Good morning, Light-Kun" Watari bowed his head, "Are you looking forward to baking a christmas cake?"

Light arched a brow, unsure if the old man was being sarcastic or not. "I'm thrilled" 

"That's the spirit" Watari slapped Light on the back, "Ryuzaki is going to show you how to make a traditional English recipe"

'Hmm. Interesting. I'd say with a 90% probability L is British'

L, who was already 'testing' the marzipan, nodded. "Yes, and then we can decorate it"

Light waited until the cake mixture had been put in the oven before asking L just what the hell he was doing. 

"Making a cake?" L answered with a straight face. 

"I meant about the Kira investigation"

"Oh. That. Well, I'm convinced that you were Kira but now you're not. I am also certain Kira is affiliated with Yotsuba so I've got a team on that while I concentrate on enjoying Christmas. There's a good chance it could be one of my last. You probably wouldn't know this and I shouldn't tell you but... I'm an orphan. Spending Christmas at some of the homes I lived in until Watari found me... Well, let's just say it makes me appreciate what I have now" 

L's eyes were so big and sad that Light felt himself soften. "Ryuzaki… if I was Kira… I wouldn't want to be that person again. And I don't want this to be your last Christmas either. I… I like you, alright?"

"Really?" L seemed genuinely surprised. "I like you too, Light" he smiled and Light wondered in what capacity L 'liked' him… 

The moment was interrupted by Watari returning with a box of cake decorations. Sensing he'd interrupted something, the old man made a hasty retreat. 'Please let Light and L finally realise they are attracted to one another! Maybe a little extra help is needed...'

They got to work baking the cake and soon it was L's favourite part- the decorating. The problem was he'd eaten a vast majority of the marzipan. 

"Ryuzaki!" Light slapped L's hand away from the reminder of the Marzipan. "We need that to decorate the cake!"

"But it's so good!" L mumbled around a mouthful of sugary goodness. Light rolled his eyes and began rolling out what was left of the Marzipan. 

"I was thinking we could make a snow scene" Light said as he gathered edible christmas trees before they could vanish down L's throat, "Maybe make some little icing sugar figures to go on top of it too"

L suddenly beamed at him. "I knew it! You're trying not to be a grinch, aren't you?"

Light bit back a sigh. If it put him in L's good graces… "That's right, I am. You've opened my eyes to how magical christmas time is, Ryuzaki"

L shocked him by pulling him into an odd embrace that could only described as an attempt at a hug. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever"

Light closed his eyes and rested his head on L's shoulder. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about kissing L under the mistletoe. 

Maybe he should get some? To celebrate the season to its full extent and prove he wasn't a 'Grinch-Kira' for once and for all?...


	4. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light dumps Misa and comes up with a cunning plan to impress L. L get's drunk and plays boardgames like the world's greatest detective that he is 🙄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally HC L being shite at Cluedo. 
> 
> Also: It is a pretty common stereotype that us Brits are wankered (drunk) for the entirity of December. I don't mean it in a derogatory way but all I'm saying is I've used the excuse 'Ah, it's Christmas!' Three times already... 😏

It was December 12th, and L sat Light down to explain the twelve days of Christmas to him. Light was actually charmed by the British traditions and listened intently as L explained about Turkey Dinners, the Queen's speech and other traditional British staples. 

_'I know! I'm going to ask Watari and the others to throw a traditional Christmas here for him. With Carol singers and the Queen's speech and everything. That is bound to impress him… '_

Light was happy with his plan and snuck off to find Watari. He wanted to kiss L under the mistletoe and if he had any chance of success he had to fully embrace Christmas and put aside his inner grouch. He decided that L was worth it. 

Watari declared his idea was brilliant and rushed off to arrange ordering a Turkey. There was bound to be one in Japan, surely? 

"Light!"

Light, who had been feeling pretty good, suddenly shuddered. Crap. He'd forgotten all about Misa… 

"Hey, Misa, uh I need to talk to you" Light glanced at L (who was spraying whipped cream directly into his mouth and looked oddly cute doing it, even though Light knew he should be disgusted) "It's important"

Misa's eyes lit up. Was Light about to propose to her for Christmas?! 

Light led her to the corner of the room for some privacy. He hoped she wouldn't scream or whine but knew it was a vain hope. Now that he realised he was interested in L that way he was determined to do everything he could to get the Detective. And one of those things meant ending the 'relationship', if it could be called that, with Misa. 

"Misa. I'm really sorry to have to do this with… well, Christmas coming up. But the thing is we're just not really working out-"

"Whaaaaat?!" 

L turned to see what the commotion was, cheeks puffed out with cream. It seemed Misa and Light were having a domestic. He tried not to feel a sense of spiteful glee but failed miserably. Light had to repeat over and over to Misa he wanted to break up and L giggled gleefully. Finally their farce of a relationship was coming to an end! Soon there would be no more stinky perfume and 'Liiiight's' loud enough to break the sound barrier. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in you that way!" Light yelled, utterly exasperated. "I like someone else and it isn't you!"

"Oooh" Matsuda nudged Mogi. "Drama"

"How can you say that to me?! Who is she?" Misa screeched in all her five foot two glory, "I'm gonna kill her!"

Light glanced at L. _'It isn't a girl, Misa_ …'

Amid tears, screams and the inevitable tantrum, Watari calmly frogmarched Misa to the door. "My apologies, Misa, but Light has made his feelings clear and for security reasons you are no longer able to stay here" and with that, he shoved her out of the door and locked it behind him. He dusted his hands off and gave Light a bright smile. Light realised then that the old man knew why he'd done it. 

_'I wonder if he'll help me?'_

"Light, I'm not surprised you ended things with her but you could have chosen a more suitable time" Souichiro shook his head as Misa continued to bang on the door. 

"Why?" Light countered sullenly, "I don't like her. Doesn't matter what time of year it is" 

"Light! Come and play snakes and ladders with me?" L butted in, not wanting Souichiro to talk Light around for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he wanted Light for himself. 

Light headed over to L. He didn't particularly want to play boardgames but if he didn't L might call him a Grinch-Kira again. "Okay, but if I win I don't want you sulking again" Light warned as he sat down. 

"I didn't sulk!" L protested. 

"You did, Ryuzaki, you called Light a 'Wanker' and stormed off" Watari announced with a chuckle, "Remember, it's not about winning it's about taking part"

L and Light looked at each other in disbelief. "No it's not!" They said in unison. 

Watari sighed and left the pair to their game. No one was really doing much work. Matsuda was gossiping to Mogi and Aizawa about the 'Drama' that no one actually cared about and Souichiro was desperately flicking through a catalogue for gift ideas for his wife. 

L won the game and declared his victory (loudly) before smiling smugly at Light. "As a forfeit for losing I get to ask you for anything that I like" L's smirk grew evil. Light had only made that little wager because he was hoping to win (and ask L for a kiss) 

"Fine" Light pouted. He wasn't sulking or anything, it was just he didn't like losing, even to L. 

"I…want to go ice skating" L put his thumb to his lip and nibbled on it. "But I don't know how to skate…"

"I do" Light imagined L all clumsy and needing to clutch onto his arm on the ice rink. It could be like a date! 

"Watari, I want to go Ice skating before we actually do some work and get that whole arresting Higuchi shit done" L wobbled in his crouch, eyes glassy. Watari smiled and promised to book two tickets to the outdoor ice rink for the following evening. 

Light stared at L with wide eyes. How had he only just noticed the Detective was sipping on 'Cranberry Vodka pops'?! "Ryuzaki! You're drunk. Again!" Light gasped, utterly scandalised. 

"Well, duh, Light. It's Christmas. It's British tradition to get absolutely shit faced for the entirety of December" L held up his finger. "Now don't be a Grinch-Kira about it"

Light huffed. "I'm not!"

"Good. Wanna play Cluedo next? I should warn you, I am rather good at it since I'm the World's greatest (hic) Detective!"

Watari rolled his eyes and mouthed 'He's rubbish. Just let him win or god help you'

Light snickered as he imagined the World's Greatest Detective loosing at Cluedo. It was really something he wanted to see but he was sharp enough to realise it probably wouldn't aid him in his quest to kiss L. 

"Alright then" Light smiled sweetly, "I'm game…"


	5. 'I've broke my ass??'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light takes L ice skating and hopes to make it a date. Naturally, things don't quite go to plan...

The outdoor ice rink was a wonderland of lights, sugary smells and smiling faces. 

Light couldn't help but get excited as he and L changed into their skates. It wasn't like he loved christmas or anything but it was certainly growing on him. Being with L, away from the Kira case, was thrilling. 

"Okay, you might want to loop your arm through mine" Light said as he helped L to stand up. As wobbly as a baby dear, L nearly face-planted the floor. 

"Right" L grabbed Light's arm and clutched it tightly. "Don't let me die or you're Kira percentage is going to shoot through the roof!" L warned as he gingerly toddled over to the ice. 

"Oh shut up, Ryuu" Light snarked but there was no real malice in his tone. He spotted a few girls giggling at them and leaned closer to L. "They think we're a couple" he whispered, just to see L's face go red. 

"W-what?" L squawked, glancing at the giggling girls. "Why would they think _that_?"

Light decided he might as well take his chance and pressed a kiss to L's cold cheek, "I don't know, why do you think?"

"???" L was so shocked he wasn't even aware he was on the ice until Light pointed it out. L immediately wobbled on his feet and clung to him like a baby monkey. "Light! I don't like this!" L wailed, "Those girls are pointing at us and I can't move" 

"Just relax" Light soothed. "You wanted to do this, remember? And they're pointing because they think you're cute"

L arched an eyebrow. "I'm not cute"

"I think you are" came out of Light's mouth before he could stop it. L's eyes went impossibly wide and Light's mind repeated _'shitshitshitshitshit_ ' as he panicked. 

L staggered on his feet and landed hard on his ass. L cringed as people began sniggering. ' _This is why I hate being in public'_ L thought miserably. His ass hurt! 

Light quickly pulled him to his feet, eyes widening in concern as L winced. "Uh… do you want to sit down for a hot chocolate?" Light asked, hoping the mention of sugar would compensate. 

L nodded, though he wasn't sure how he was going to sit down. His ass really hurt… he tried to move and yelped in pain, Light's arms darting around him to stop him from face planting the ice. 

"Oh shit" Light cursed as he saw the tears of pain in L's eyes. "We'd best call Watari. I think you've broken something, Ryuzaki"

"I've broken my _ass_?!" L yelled in complete panic. Light cringed as everyone in a ten meter radias turned to stare at them. 

' _Well… this 'date' did not go as well as I hoped it would. I hope he hasn't broken his ass… is it possible to actually break ones ass in the first place?_ ' Light pondered as he rang Watari. 

2 hours later, Light discovered L had actually broken his coccyx, the small bit of bone that is a remnant of when human ancestors had tails. Light was glad L hadn't broken his ass but he was disappointed and sad L was in pain. 

"How did you fall over? Where you not paying attention to where you were going?" Watari scolded gently as he helped L climb gingerly into the car. 

L looked at Light before he flushed and averted his gaze. "Someone said something that startled me" he finally mumbled in reply. 

Watari's eyes shifted to Light. "Did they? Well, Light-Kun here will have to atone. While your on bedrest he will look after you"

Light cringed. Dammit. The old bastard knew didn't he? So much for hoping he'd help him! 

What Light didn't know was that Watari's request that he look after L would help him, and in ways a di sastrous date and sweet talk never could… 


	6. Servitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L gets back at Light for 'making him break his ass' and gets the breakthrough in the Kira case he thought he wanted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L is such a BRAT 😂😂

Light was going to kill Matsuda. 

The bastard had given L one of those little bells with 'Ring for Service' on it and by god was L ringing the bastard! 

"Liiight! Have you made my tea yet?" L called from the bedroom. Propped up on a mountain of pillows, laptop by the side of him and a platter filled with cakes and Xmas treats by his side, L looked every inch the spoilt little brat he was. 

"Coming!" Light growled as he tugged the hem of his disgusting bright red, sparkly christmas jumper down. Apparently it was his 'uniform' and Watari, that old bastard, had purchased a number of hideous Christmas jumpers for him to wear whilst he looked after L. 

L smiled as Light stomped over to the bed and handed him his tea. 

"Thank you, Light. My, don't you look festive" L's smile turned into a grin. "It suits you"

Light grimaced and sat down on the bed. "Is there anything else you require, L-Sama?" he snarked as L examined the cup of tea (in a novelty reindeer cup, of course) 

"Yes. I'd like you to feed me gingerbread men"

Light scoffed but soon lost his smile when he realised L was actually being serious. "What? Your tail-bone is broken, not your hands! Feed yourself" Light muttered, even as he flushed bright red. Feeding L would be a rather intimate thing to do… 

"I'm in _pain_ , Light. You know? Because you made me break my ass?" L said softly, using his big, dark eyes to devastating effect. Light sighed and obediently picked up a gingerbread. 

L opened his mouth like an expectant baby bird and Light placed the gingerbread on his tongue. 

"You know, Light, I've been thinking" L mumbled, showering Light in a spray of crumbs. "And I've come to the conclusion that you have a crush on me, as bizarre as that sounds"

Light's breath hitched in his throat. 

"I've seemed to acquire feelings for you as well, and all going well with Higuchi, I might consider acting on them. What I am trying to say, badly, is that I would like to… " L paused. What was the word again? Court? Date? Date. That was it. He was the world's greatest detective. Surely he could date? 

"Wait. Hold up" Light narrowed his eyes at L. "What's this about Higuchi and are you saying you like me too? In a romantic way?"

L irritated him by opening his mouth for another cookie. 'Yes, obviously you're going to reply when you're eating again' Light thought with an indulgent shake of his head. 

Sure enough, L did exactly that. "Well, Aiber and Wedy have abducted Higuchi and are currently interrogating him. I'm not telling you more than that. Should Higuchi be convinced of being Kira than yes, I'll date you. However, I have a few very important stipulations"

Light blinked. He was Light Yagami, irresistible to all, and yet L was saying he had stipulations he wanted adhered to before dating him? 

Why was that kinda cute? 

"Go on" Light sighed as he handed L another cookie. He couldn't get the Detective out of his head and he knew he was falling deep. Something had happened this christmas and with the Kira case finally getting somewhere… 

"Firstly, I would require you to love Christmas. And I mean listening to christmas songs, wearing sparkly jumpers and actually taking part in the secret santa-"

"We have a secret santa?" Light scratched his head. 

"Yes, Light, keep up" L snickered. "I drew for you since you're a grinch. You have Watari. Good luck with that. Anyway, as I was saying. You have to promise to stop being a Grinch-Kira and I will give this dating thing a go"

Light blinked. "So… you'd kiss me under the mistletoe?" He asked, going straight to what he considered the most important point. 

L flushed but nodded his head. "Yes, I would…"

"Well, let's hope this Higuchi confesses then!" Light smiled lopsidedly, "Because I really want to kiss you under the mistletoe and… I guess I can wear a few ugly sweaters if it makes you happy"

They smiled at one another and L felt hope stir in his heart. Perhaps this wouldn't be his last Christmas after all… 

***************

L dismissed Light later that afternoon to bake him more cookies and summoned Watari to his room. 

"You are not going to believe this shit" L said plainly once the old man was inside. Silently, he passed Watari two slips of paper.

Watari's mouth dropped open in surprise as he saw what could only be described as a gangly, Gothic clown grinning down at him. Next to him was an equally gangly, white thing. 

"This is Ryuk and Rem. They're Shinigami with questionable fashion tastes and they just happen to know that Light was Kira and that he orchestrated the Yotsuba investigation. I sang Christmas carols at them for two hours and ate an entire bowl of apples in between to make them talk" L smirked smugly. "My negotiating skills are lit" he added when Watari scratched his head in astonishment. 

Ryuk whimpered as he gazed longingly at all those poor, poor apple cores scattered across L's bed. "You're a monster!" He wailed. 

"No. Grinch-Kira is and we must defeat him" L said with conviction. "I'm going to burn both Death Notes and blame everything on Higuchi. Get him banged up and then…" L flushed as he imagined kissing Light under the mistletoe. 

' _Sure it's bad that he was Kira and all but… he did say he'd wear a christmas jumper and go carol singing with me. He's making me more gingerbread right now. Without his memories of being Kira he's perfect…'_

"You're letting Light off the hook. Because you fancy him, correct? You're going to ignore that he was Kira and focus on the fact you're slowly making him like Christmas, thus, in your mind, he's 'less evil" Watari clarified with a small sigh and air quotes. 

L kept his face poker straight. "Well… yeah" 

"Very well" Watari pushed his glasses up his nose. He was too old to argue with this shit. Besides, without his memories Light was good for L. "I'll just go tell Aiber and Wedy to keep him contained and draw up the charges?"

"Yes. Oh, and please put on 'The Grinch' on your way out. Thanks" L snuggled back against his pillows and gave Watari a sunny smile. 

Watari sighed once more and shook his head. He definitely spoiled L a little too much at times. 

This wasn't the first time L had amended the law to suit his whims and if he was being honest, he didn't consider it a wholly bad thing. Maybe L could have Light to run around after him and give him some time off for a change? 

As Watari left to inform the Task Force that Kira had been 'caught', Light returned to L with his freshly baked cookies.

L stared at Light before he sighed heavily. He'd just thought of something deeply trou bling. 

Since Light had been Kira Santa wasn't going to bring him any presents… 


	7. Letters to Santa...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's atonement begins, L calls a Shinigami a whore and the boys write letters to Santa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Santa-Kira! Ho! Ho! Ho! Have a HEART ATTACK 😂😂💀

"Light"

Light grumbled as he burrowed under the duvet. The poking didn't stop so he forced himself to open his eyes and gaze blurrily up at the irritating man he hoped would soon be his boyfriend. 

"What, L?"

"You need to atone. There's only six days until Santa arrives" L's face was tragically serious, his big gray eyes imploring. "If you don't atone now you aren't going to get any presents"

 _'... Is he for real?'_ Light squinted up at L. "L, you know Santa dosen't exist, rigut?" he mumbled, still half asleep. 

L gasped, one hand flying up to cover his mouth. Light felt like an absolute shit as tears sprang to L's eyes. "How can you say that?!" L shuffled off the bed, wincing as a sharp sting of pain shot up his spine. 

"Baby! I'm sorry!" Light sprang out of bed and grabbed L's arm. "I wasn't even awake. I will atone, I promise" Light smiled his brightest, most dazzling smile. "Please help me"

L nibbled his thumb. He could tell Light was trying to manipulate him but his intentions were genuine. Light wanted that kiss under the mistletoe and so did he. Light didn't need to know he was atoning for his sins as Kira. He'd make it seem like he was atoning for being a grinch, and, if needs be, buy some gifts for Light himself. 

"Okay. We need to get started then. We have a lot to do. We need to build a gingerbread house, sort out your secret Santa, write a letter to Santa and have a wrapping session fueled by Baileys" L ticked off their 'tasks' with his fingers before he shook his head. "And we need to sing carols, plus you need to source some mistletoe so we can snog-"

"Snog?" Light tilted his head. "You mean kiss?"

"Yes" L sighed dreamily. "Higuchi's off to jail for the rest of his life and we can live happily ever after!"

"Really? You mean… once the case has been closed you'd want to make a go of things?"

L shuffled closer to Light. "Only if you swear you're going to atone, Light. I simply _can't_ be with someone who doesn't like christmas" L said seriously. 

"Then I am going to _love_ christmas" Light replied. He leaned in for a kiss but L backed away, a scandalised look on his face. 

"You can't kiss me without mistletoe Light! Not for a first kiss in the Christmas season. Honestly. Come on, we need to get ready. We have a busy day ahead of us…"

******************

"Light!" Souichiro beamed his approval at Light's 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' jumper, "I see you've embraced your holiday spirit"

Light forced himself to smile. "Sure have, Dad, Ryuzaki has shown me the error of my ways" Light nodded. "In fact, were about to write our letters to Santa. Who I totally believe in, by the way"

Watari sighed and poured himself a Bucks Fizz. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day. His suspicions were confirmed when L ripped sheets from the Death Note and announced he was going to write letters to Santa. "I will have to write yours for you, Light, since I don't want you touching it" L explained, before chucking the Death Note into the fireplace. Light didn't even realize there was a fireplace. It must have magically appeared overnight and it even had stockings hanging over it for all of the Task Force. 

"You've just burnt the Death Note?!" Aizawa yelled in frustration as L poked at the burning book with a brass poker. 

"Yes. Fire was dying down and it's not exactly like we need to keep it. Higuchi is currently on his way to a dilapidated prison in Thailand with zero chance of getting parole. Besides, it would be too tempting to use it if we kept it around"

"But you're giving it to Santa!" Matsuda yelped, horrified at the idea. 

"Yes, and this way he can make good on his threat of punishing those on the naughty list! Heart attacks for christmas!" L's eyes grew starry, "Imagine! SantaKira! Now he would have my _full_ support…"

Light shot his father a helpless look. 

L giggled as he began to scrawl his letter to Santa:

' **Dearest Santa,**

**I've been remarkably good this year, save the few felonies I _might_ have committed in the name of justice. I'm a big fan and I'm just saying if you want to go down the whole Kira road I'd support you. Brats who scream incessantly in toy stores deserve a bit of cardiac-justice in my opinion. As do the twisted souls who actually enjoy _sprouts_. **

**Anyway, I digress. I would like:**

**A gourmet hamper full of candy. American, British and Japanese candy in particular. Don't even think about sending me low sugar crap like you did a few years ago, Santa. If you do then I will make a worldwide broadcast and tell everyone what a wanker you are.**

**A vintage Easy-Bake oven, preferably in blue but failing that green will also be acceptable. I want all the accessories that come with it so I can prove to Watari that I am fully capable of being independent and meeting my own sugary needs. I don't like real ovens because they burn you. I'm hoping the Easy Bake oven won't. Maybe you could sprinkle some elf dust on it so that every time I bake a cake or make cookies they turn out perfect and I don't get burnt? Thanks! :)**

**Aizawa to have a personality transplant. I know you have magic, Santa. Make it happen.**

**For Light to turn from his Grinch-Kira ways and be mine forever.**

**Yours respectfully,**

**L (Obviously can't write my full name because I'll die, but I'm sure you know who I am) '**

"That looks like a long letter. Can I read it?" Light asked as L finished writing and smiled down at his letter proudly. 

"No!" L swiftly folded the letter in half and placed it in his pocket. "It's private, Light, between me and Santa" L explained. "Why don't you dictate yours?"

"Oookay but it's hardly going to be private if I have to tell you what I want written down" Light pointed out as L took another piece of Death Note paper. 

Ryuk and Rem stared at one another in shocked silence. In all of their countless millennia amongst humans they had never seen such a ridiculous use for a Death Note. It was more insulting than L burning them! 

"Least I ain't tied to these guys anymore" Ryuk muttered as he watched the last of his Death Note shrivel away. 

"Lucky you. I still am. L's got my Death Note locked up in a safe. Said something about keeping it handy for Santa if he wanted it"

"Santa isn't real-"

"You shut your whore mouth, Ryuk, he is real!" L yelled at the Shinigami, dark eyes flashing with fury. 

"L!" Watari scolded, his face like thunder. "You do not swear like that! Not even to a Shinigami. I am very sorry, Shinigami-San, for my ward's inexcusable potty mouth"

Ryuk scratched his head. He'd never been called a whore before… 

"Anyway. Light, I realize that, but you're just going to have to accept it. Besides, you need all the help you can get. Santa and I have history. If anyone can get you on the nice list it's me"

" _Someone_ won't be on the nice list if they continue calling people or Shinigami _whores_ " Watari muttered as he handed L a glass of Baileys. The Task Force decided they might as well indulge as well. Kira was beaten and it was Christmas so why the fuck not? Did it matter if it was only 10am? Usually it would but it was December so obviously it was okay to knock one back in the name of being festive. 

L glared at Watari but kept his mouth shut. The old man had a point… 

"Fine" Light sighed before knocking back his Baileys. "Dear Santa, I am very sorry for being a… Grinch-Kira and have truly repented from my Christmas hating ways-"

"Thanks to my _wonderful_ friend L" L interjected.

Light quirked an eyebrow. "Riiight. I do hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. For christmas I would like an end to world hunger, a new tailored suit in shimmery gray and a mini TV. I've seemed to misplaced mine. Thanks, Light Yag- Thanks Light" Light hastily corrected himself. Knowing L he'd probably write his full name down by accident. 

"An end to world hunger?" L spat, "What kind of _lame_ wish is that? Jesus, Light, I'll do my best but don't go getting your hopes up. You should have just asked for a PlayStation"

Light buried his head in his hands as L folded up his letter and announced it was time to move on to gingerbread houses. 

"Here" Watari tapped Light on the shoulder and handed him an extra large shot of Baileys. "You're going to need it..."


	8. Christmas Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Task Force spend Christmas Eve Eve in a mature and dignified fashion... Not. 
> 
> They sing karaoke 😂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Christmas Eve and the KISS ❤

The day before Christmas Eve (or Christmas Eve Eve as L liked to call it) Light had L's huge hamper delivered. He attracted some funny looks when he struggled to stash the gigantic glittery box away, but thankfully L and Matsuda were distracted by watching Home Alone and didn't notice what he was doing. Light swore the others to secrecy and pointed at L. 

"Oh, I see" Souichiro smiled brightly. "That's the spirit, Light! Well done!"

Light forced a smile. He'd picked up some mistletoe on his way to get the hamper and he was determined he was going to have that kiss! 

After making gingerbread houses, the Kira case was officially closed. Rem was forced to haunt L until he gave up the Death Note but Ryuk, freed from his, had made a break for it. As far as he was concerned this lovesick Light Yagami wasn't half as fun as Kira had been. Rem had been 'adopted' by L and the young detective had even stated how proud he was to have a pet Shinigami. 

"I'm not a pet" Rem hissed angrily, "I am a Death God. I could kill you right now!"

L blinked up at her. "Don't be mean, Rem, would you like another gingersnap?"

Rem pursed her lips. Human food was good… and L gave her a lot of sweet treats she was fast becoming addicted to. She supposed it wasn't all bad being this odd humans 'pet'... 

"Fine" Rem munched on some gingersnaps and Light narrowed his eyes at the treats vanishing in midair. No one but his father, L and Watari could see the Shinigami. It was odd to see food floating and then vanishing in midair but nowhere near as odd as Matsuda's surprisingly good rendition of Maria Carey's 'All I want for Christmas'. The team had seen stranger things and it soon became the norm to have a literal invisible god of death hanging around HQ. L decided to keep everyone on until after christmas since he didn't want secret Santa to be interrupted by them solving the case. 

After a round of suitably festive laced hot chocolates, the team of mature and 'professional' detectives settled down to watch 'The Snowman', and Matsuda stunned everyone by singing every word, his voice definitely higher pitched than a chipmunk on helium. 

"I'm walking in the aaaaaaaiiiiirrrrrr!" Matsuda sang, twirling around the HQ and flapping his wings like a retarded duck. 

Light snuggled into L's side to avoid the traumatizing sight and Souichiro and Watari shared a knowing look. 

"Is there anything you'd like to share with us?" Souichiro asked as he watched his son's hand vanish up L's jumper and rub his back. 

"L and I are together, well, Sort of" Light mumbled under his breath, his attention focused on the TV. He could finally understand the magic of Christmas. Buddy the Elf and L had taught him well. Maybe it was the alcohol but he was feeling festive. 

In his pants. 

"What do you mean, sort of?" Aizawa butted in. 

"We haven't kissed yet. Waiting for mistletoe" L explained around a mouthful of cookie dough. "Gonna be magical"

"It sure will, Sweetie" Light cooed. Aizawa heaved and looked away from the happy couple before he vomited. 

"How lovely!" Matsuda sang, "That is so cute. I need to buy you a couple's christmas card now!" He added as he twirled his way back to the sofas. 

"Yes, Matsuda, you do" L sniffed haughtily. Souichiro sighed and hung his head. Great. That meant he would have to put up with L's shit for the foreseeable future. Still, as long as his son was happy. 

"Baby, I'm out of cookie dough. Can you bring me some more?" L asked, all big, sad eyes. Light was on his feet in a heartbeat, flushing when he heard Aizawa snicker about him being 'whipped'

"I'm just in the festive spirit. Christmas is a time for giving and being nice to people. You should try it some time, Aizawa" Light snarked as he grabbed another pack of cookie dough. L nuzzled against him and Light smiled at the extra brownie points he'd just scored. 

"I'm so glad you're not a grinch anymore, Baby" L smiled happily up at him. "I can't wait for our first kiss under the mistletoe tomorrow night"

Light blushed and his cock did a merry little twitch in his pants. "Nor me, Babe!" 

As they snuggled down to get drunk and eat inordinate amounts of food, Light realised that Christmas really was the most wonderful time of year after all. He had never felt so warm, loved and full of life before… 

When Matsuda (who'd had another heavily laced egg nog) suggested Christmas Karaoke, Light was the first one to jump to his feet and volunteer to go first. 

Rem shoved a handful of gingerbread into her mouth as her ears were assaulted with the sound of Light singing 'All I want for Christmas' to L. She found herself longing for the good old days where Light wasn't such a love-struck idiot and wanted to rule the world as Kira. Wasn't Light supposed to be wanting to Kill L, not serenade him? But then, if Light did that she wouldn't be getting any more sugar from L… 

"Baaaaaaaaabbbby! Yeah!"

Rem grabbed the last of the gingerbread and nibbled them as the Watari treated everyone to a cringe-worthy rendition of 'Baby it's cold outside' what was most troubling was that he was singing it to and with Souichiro Yagami… 

_'I'm definitely trying alcohol next'_ Rem plucked up a bottle of neat brandy and necked it. In no time at all the stupidity all around her didn't bother her in the slightest and she realised if she was to put up with these idiots for the foreseeable future it w as probably her best bet at retaining her sanity… 


	9. Christmas Eve Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve and it's all going on. L recieves a letter from Santa, the secret Santa gifts are exchanged, L and Rem get drunk and Kira-Chan has a new outfit. 
> 
> Yup...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the final chapter and include the moment we've all been waiting for: the reveal if L recieves his easy bake oven or not... 
> 
> And the long awaited kiss 💋

Finally, finally, the big day arrived. 

Light woke up at the crack of dawn and doned his green Christmas tree jumper with pride. It was Christmas Eve and he was going to kiss L under the mistletoe! 

Oddly, L was still sprawled out in bed snoring his cute little head off. Light put it down to the copious amounts of laced eggnog the detective had put away the night before. He left L to snooze and rushed downstairs to find Watari taking inventory of the mountain of Christmas presents in the side room. 

"Oh! Light" Watari smiled, relieved it wasn't L. "I'm just making sure everything is ready for tonight. As you know, L still believes in Santa so…" Watari sighed and hung his head. "I dress up in a fat Santa costume and make sure he 'catches' me every year…"

Light snickered, just the image of it making his belly ache. "Oh my god, Watari. I can't wait to see this"

Watari smiled evilly. "You're part of it now, Light-Kun. If you want to keep in L's good graces you're going to have to pretend you believe in Santa too"

 _'Aw, shit!'_ Light groaned and shook his head. "Fine!" He huffed grumpily.

'You can't be miserable on Christmas, Grinchy!' His inner L piped up and Light plastered a smile on his face. "L's still sleeping. I'm going to bring him a magical, festive Christmas breakfast-"

" _No_. No magic mushrooms this year!" Watari looked panicked and Light stared at him. L had tried magic mushrooms?? 

"Er. Forget I said anything. Make him some pancakes" Watari cleared his throat abruptly. "With the Santa and Rudolph mold" he added under his breath. "God forbid you forget those…"

 _'Christmas is but once a year. I can do this!'_ Light thought as he walked into the kitchen. He found the molds and prepared the batter, wondering how L was feeling today. It had been nearly two weeks since he'd 'broken his ass' and he was walking around a lot easier now. Once the pancakes were done he garnished them with copious amounts of sugar, syrup and festive green and red hundreds and thousands. Feeling proud of his accomplishment, Light strutted back upstairs to present his almost a boyfriend his masterpiece of a breakfast. 

His smile fell when he saw L in floods of tears, clutching a letter in his hands and rocking back and forth. 

"Baby!" Light yelped, quickly placing the breakfast tray to one side and rushing towards L. "What's the matter?"

"It's… S-s-Santa!"

' _Oh boy, here we go'_ Light plopped himself down next to L. He reached for the letter before he hesitated. L had said not to touch the Death Note paper… 

"It's fine. It has Hello Kitty in the corner" L sniffed as he passed Light the letter. "I can't believe he would say such things. What a fat Tosspot!" L suddenly clamped his hands over his mouth, eyes darting left to right. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please give me my easy bake oven…"

Light stared incredulously at the note in hand. Written in fancy gold calligraphy, it read:

' ** _L,_**

**_Thank you for your generous offer but I will NOT become Santa-Kira. Not unless the proportion of boys, girls and adults on the naughty list gets too high. Then I MIGHT consider it._ **

**_If you want your easy bake oven you will have to be a VERY good boy and stop making Watari run around after you for the next week. Give the old guy a break. Also, you need to floss your teeth more and stop bitching everytime poor old Watari tells you it's time for your vitamins. You subsist on 99% sugar you NEED to take those vitamins!_ **

**_You are straddling the naughty list, L, and you only have 12 hours left to change your ways._ **

**_So. Be. GOOD!'_ **

"I'm… I'm not going to get any presents!" L launched himself into Light's arms and sobbed his heart out. "I thought this was going to be the best Christmas ever but… but… Waaaaahhhhhhh!"

"L! L! Calm down, it's okay" Light shook L's shoulders. "It's Christmas Eve and you can't cry, okay? Santa has given you a warning and now you know what to do to avoid not having presents. He also mentioned to Watari it's very important you song my face off at the party later. Do you think you can do that?"

L nodded, his eyes blazing with determination. He wiped his tears and nodded again. "I can do that! I will be nice to Watari and I will snog your face off later!"

' _Exxxcellent_ ' Light channeled his inner Mr Burns as he grinned smugly. 

"Great. Now, eat these special pancakes I've made you and we can get our Christmas started" Light climbed off the bed and presented L with his sugary breakfast. 

"Aw, Babe" L cooed, mouth-watering at the sight. "Thank you!"

Light smiled smugly as L polished off the pancakes in record time. "Let's get ready to head downstairs. It will soon be time for secret Santa!"

L bolted from the bed before he doubled over in pain. 

"Ah! My ass!"

Light was torn between concern and amusement as L hobbled into the bathroom. He'd make it up to L later when he gave him the hamper. For now, he needed to tell Watari that has plot had worked and that, for once, L would be good. 

******************

Watari smirked as L and Light meekly filed into the room. L shot him a distrustful look and went to pour himself a tall glass of champagne. 

"It is only 11 am, L" Watari pointed out. 

"I don't care. I need it for my nerves" L replied sullenly before he up-ended the glass and downed the lot in one go. "I've had a terrible morning" he added with a pitiful sniff. "Santa wrote to me"

"Did he now" Aizawa rolled his eyes. "And what did he say?"

"Can't tell you. It's confidential" L sulked and poured another two glasses. Light shrugged and accepted one. It was probably going to be easier to get through the day if he was drunk. Rem was well on her way already, lounging on one of the sofas with a glass of champagne in hand. Light didn't even blink at the odd sight of the champagne bottle being lifted by an unseen hand. 'Definitely a good idea to get drunk' he decided as he tossed back his drink. 

"Yay! I'm drunk now!" L loudly announced before hobbling over to Rem. "Don't forget your promise, Remsey"

Rem sighed. "Fine"

"Promise?" Matsuda scratched his head as he glanced between the Detective and the Shinigami. 

"Nothing. Time for secret Santa" L rummaged under the tree and began pulling out gifts. "Matsuda, you're first"

Matsuda clapped his hands and rushed forward for his gift. It was beautifully wrapped in silver paper with a fetching green bow. "Oooh, shiny!"

"Yes. Yes it is" Mogi narrowed his eyes at the office idiot. "Why don't you open it?" 

Matsuda tore eagerly into the packaging but his face fell as he read the title of the book he'd been given. ' _An Idiot's guide to being less of an idiot'_

Light glanced at Aizawa who wasn't even attempting to hide his smirk. 

"That's so mean!" Matsuda wailed as he flung the book on the floor. "Who got me this?"

"That's the thing about secret Santa, Matsuda, it's supposed to be a secret" Aizawa smiled smugly. "And if someone happens to know or suspect who sent the gift they can't say anything. Santa is watching"

"He's _always_ watching" L shuddered. "Creepy fuck" he added under his breath. He didn't mean to be a grinch but if he didn't get his goddamn easy bake oven… 

"Anyway. Next gift is for Light" Souichiro picked up the next package and handed it to his son. Light delicately opened the present and glared at his father. "Dad!" he hissed, face growing red. 

"Ooh, what is it?" L snatched the present and opened it fully. A copy of ' _How to have safe gay sex by Brian Bigcoc_ k' "Well, might be useful" L winked at Light. Light almost dissolved into a puddle at that wink, embarssment forgotten. 

"You can never be too careful, Light" Souichiro patted Light's shoulder. "Always best to understand the theory before you get into practice. That's what your mother and I-"

"DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Next gift!" Light yelled desperately. He was glad there was so much champagne. It was the only thing helping him preserve his sanity at this point. 

Watari received a mustache comb and gel set from Light. L received a a custom made outfit especially for Kira-Chan, which he happily put on the bear. Kira-Chan was soon wearing a bright pink, cherry covered, sundress and hat. Light winced and shook his head, reaching for another glass of Champagne. 

As far as Christmas's went, he doubted he would ever experience one as surreal as this. That thought was confirmed when L announced that Santa had even delivered Rem a gift. 

"I hope I can drink it" Rem slurred as she picked up her bottle shaped gift. She grinned as she unwrapped another bottle of champagne. 

"And now, it's time for… " Watari checked his watch. "Charades!"

Light pouted. When was it going to be time for some hot make out action under the mistletoe???


	10. It's Chrrristmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss, The Easy Bake Oven and the shock of a lifetime for Light!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! The crack is finally over... Thank god 😂

After a festive lunch that consisted of more Champagne and an entire Gingerbread house for L, Light unveiled his surprise. L squealed with delight as a group of carol singers arrived, gathered in formation around the tree and began to sing. 

"Joy to the world, the Saviour is born!"

"They're singing about _Santa!_ " L whispered to Light excitedly. Never quite being able to catch up to his almost boyfriend's love/hate relationship with Santa, Light just nodded. 

"Sure they are, Babe. Do you like the surprise?"

"Yes!" L snuggled against him. "This is the best!"

After carols came boardgames. L lost to Cluedo and threatened to knock Aizawa out. 

"Naughty List" Watari trilled Warningly. L pouted and sunk into his chair. Light scratched his head, wondering just how many mood swings L planned on getting through in one day. At least it was getting dark and a strange atmosphere of excitement was descending. Maybe it was the booze. Maybe it was the carol singers, but Light was feeling very festive, and not just in his pants. 

Watari, indulging in his time off, had left the Christmas buffet to the caterers and was relaxing in his favourite chair, brandy in hand. L shot him the occasional distrustful look and he wondered if L had cottoned on to his plot. Probably not. When it came to such obvious things the world's greatest detective was a bit of an idiot. 

Rem eventually remembered her promise and gave L a not so subtle nod. L rose and grabbed Light's hand. "Come on, I've got a surprise for you"

Light huried after him and grinned as he saw a whole bough of Mistletoe hanging in thin air, no doubt held by Rem. 

"I wanted our first kiss to be wonderful" L admitted with a shy blush, "And away from others. Especially Watari because… " L leaned in close, "I'm convinced he's a spy for Santa, Light. He's watching my every move and let me tell you now. If I don't wake up to an easy bake oven in the morning I am commissioning a nuclear strike on the north pole. I will obliterate that fat bastard, his reindeer and all of his elves too"

Light backed away, his face pale. "Jesus, Babe-"

"I'll kill him too if I don't get it" L said darkly. "I will have my easy bake fucking oven!" And then suddenly he was all sweet smiles and bashfulness again. "Now, how about that kiss?"

Light gulped. He'd have to warn Watari there would be a literal world war on his hands if he hadn't bought the oven for L. But for now, psychotic or not, he was going to get some of that sweet ass. He pulled L into his arms and held him tight. Rem scoffed and rolled her eyes as they gazed lovingly at one another. 

"Whenever you're ready, my arm is getting tired" Rem snarked as the pair of idiots continued to smile at one another, slowly leaning in. Light brushed some hair from L's face and the smiling continued. 

"JUST KISS ALREADY GODS OF DEATH DAMMIT!" Rem screeched. 

Finally, finally, the magic moment happened. Their lips touched in a chaste kiss and somewhere harps started to play. The Yaoi gods sprinkled rose petals over the couple as they indulged in a long-overdue make out session under the mistletoe. L clutched at Light as the younger man sucked on his tongue and he decided that kissing was a close second to sugar on his list of favourite things. Kissing Light was amazing and definitely compensated for rigging the Kira case. How could he ever execute a Kira who kissed like that? 

"Oh, come on!" Rem whined as the kiss became more of a free for all. Light's hands cupped L's butt and one of L's vanished down Light's pants. Having enough (and very much needing another drink) Rem lobbed the Mistletoe branch and returned to HQ. She still didn't understand why she didn't just write their names and be done with it. An image of big, sad eyes flashed into her head and she sighed. Right. Because of the puppy dog eyes. 

L and Light, meanwhile, hadn't even realised Rem had gone. The kiss had now turned into an all-out grope and Light had to pull away before he lost control all together. 

"Baby, let's save the main event for later" Light purred seductively into L's ear. "I have a gift waiting for you…"

"Please tell me it's your dick" L groaned, eyeing the hard bulge in Light's trousers hungrily. 

Light flushed and 'little light' throbbed at the comment. "Yes, but that is the _other_ gift you'll be getting later" 

They took a moment to kiss, softer now, until their awkward boners subsided. When the returned to HQ, it was chaos. Watari and Souichiro were giggling like teenage girls as they groomed one another's mustaches. Aizawa was downing neat vodka and had somehow lost his pants. Rem was passed out in a drunken sprawl on the floor. Mogi and Matsuda, to top it off, where embroiled in an intense game of Operation. 

"Wow" Light took in the scene before him with wide eyes. "I knew it wouldn't be tame but this is on another level…"

"Great isn't it? Now where's my present!" L checked his watch. "It's only six hours until midnight!"

Light presented L with his sweet hamper and L fell to his knees and embraced it. 

"Oh, my sweet baby, how I love you!" L cooed as he hugged the hamper to his chest and kissed it. 

"Aw, thanks, L-" Light began before realizing L was actually talking to the hamper. 

_'Right. Of course…'_

"Light! Which mustache do you think is the most virile and manly?" Souichiro slurred as he ambled over to his son and flung an arm around him. "And did you get that kiss, my boy? Need a condom? Lube for later?"

"DAD!" 

"Oh, yes please, that would be a great help" L looked up from his hamper. "Thanks, Daddy"

Souichiro frowned in confusion, not sure if L meant that in a sexual way or not… 

"L!" Light hissed, "Don't say that?"

"Why?" L turned big, innocent eyes to Light. "We are going to be together forever so your family will become mine when we marry, won't they? So Souichiro will be my Daddy and-"

And that was the final straw. Light had read the manual by Brian Bigcock. He was ready to rock L's world, plough his ass, and prove that his cock was the best Christmas gift ever. Light grabbed L and frog marched him from the room. "I'm going to show you who your _real_ Daddy is, L!" Light purred as he shoved L up against the lift and kissed him senseless. 

That magical, Sexual, Christmas Eve night, L learnt exactly who his Daddy was (several times over) and, for the first time ever, completely forgot to sneak down to hunt for Santa…. 

*****************

The next morning, L bolted out of bed, sore ass forgotten as he rushed downstairs. He couldn't believe he'd slept most of the night but he figured he had Light's magic cock to thank for that. Light stumbled after him, grumbling that it was only six am. 

L flung open the doors to HQ and his mouth dropped open. There, on the sofa, was Watari and Souichiro. Watari was dressed in a Santa suit but, more disturbingly, Souochiro 's bare ass was on display and covered with handprints. 

"Holy shit!" Light yelled. Suddenly that horrible duet made sense. Souochiro had been banging Watari! 

"Well, Tis the season" L trilled happily as he shot towards the tree. A large, beautifully wrapped box with a shiny 'L' sat waiting for him. L took a deep breath before he tore into the wrapping paper. 

"YES! MY OVEN!" L yelled, tears in his eyes. Santa had saved himself and his reindeer from anhiliation. Until next year, anyway... 

Watari and Souichiro jolted awake at the excited shriek. Light glowered at his father. 

"Um… don't tell your mother?" Souichiro scratched his head awkwardly. 

"Oh, Dad, you are going to pay for this" Light smiled evilly. "I won't tell mum. If you promise to take Kira-Chan to work with you every single day and keep him on your desk. You and Kira-Chan are going to be best friends…"

"Oh goodie, Kira-Chan will love that!" L beamed. "Come on, Light, bake some cakes with me!"

Light sighed and knelt down next to L. He'd play with a toy oven if it made him happy. It wasn't exactly the strangest thing to have happened lately. 

After baking some cakes and opening presents, L pulled Light in for a toe-curling kiss under the Mistletoe. 

'Yes' Light thought, ' _Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year…'_

**Epilogue. Two years later…**

"Liiiiiight!"

Light jolted awake at the sound of his finance's shriek. He bolted downstairs and found L tying Santa to a chair with rope. 

"I got him!"

Light scrubbed his face. It was too early for this shit. For some reason L seemed normal and focused any other time of the year. They worked together as successful partners. But come December the 1st… 

Chaos descended. 

"L, Sweetie…" Light began cautiously. L was looming over Santa with duct tape, a gleeful look in his eyes. "That's Watari" Light sighed. 

L yanked off the fake beard and hat and found that indeed, it was Watari, he'd just bound to a chair to interrogate. 

"What is the meaning of this?!" L yelled, "Where's the real Santa?!"

Light and Watari shared a panicked look. Dare they tell the 24 year old detective the truth? 

_**Hell no**_. 

"He's been unwell so sent me as his assistant to deliver all the presents in Tokyo" Watari blurted out quickly. 

L's eyes widened with awe. "Wow! Best Christmas EVER!"

Light hung his head with a sigh. He knew what he'd signed up for when he got together with L but sometimes he had to wonder how he'd maintained his sanity. 

Good job Christmas was only once a year… 


End file.
